Red Mantle by Maria Turtschaninoff

Author:Maria Turtschaninoff
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2020-02-04T00:00:00+00:00

Dear Sister O,

I saved your letters until last. I sat and read throughout the evening, paying no heed to Tauer or the evening meal or my family. I started my replies at once, writing several letters in one go, because I wanted the feeling of immediacy, as though I were truly talking to you all, in genuine conversation.

It was very wise of you to send me more paper.

I was most taken aback by what you wrote about my mother. With all due respect, I did take offense at your words. I am trying my best to listen to all she has to say. And I do understand that it was difficult for her to send me away. But why must it be so difficult for her to have me back? You say I must continue learning from her. Yet she taught me everything she knew during the first nine years of my life. What can a farmer’s wife from Rovas teach me, who has studied at the Red Abbey? It is your teachings that I miss!

When I sent those first letters, which you have now received, I had not yet come across the tone that sings and resonates through the forest, both luring and frightening me. Do you know what it is? Certain phenomena occur that seem connected, but I do not understand how. The calling kite, Gray Lady’s desire to go out into the wild, that tone . . . It is as if they are trying to speak to me in a language I do not understand. I have prayed to the First Mother for guidance, but have received no answer yet.

I miss being able to ask you all the questions that swirl around in my mind. You have always taken the time to try to answer them. Thank you for everything you wrote in your letters, and all your guidance. I will hold it close when storms are raging, and when I feel uncertain and weak.

I no longer feel like as much of an outsider as when I first arrived. I am sorry that I complained so much. You are right: I can never be like everybody else here because I have had experiences that no one else shares. But I will take your advice and try to use this to my benefit—if I can. Sometimes Tauer gives helpful advice. His knowledge is not of the same sort as yours, for he has not studied it in books, but he has lived a long life, seen much and helped many. He is a friend to life and death alike. That is something I also choose to be. Currently I am of the opinion that life is the more frightening of the two.

Has the Mother Abbess told you about the vision she had at Moon Dance? The one where she saw me standing by the opened door of the Crone? I wrote to her saying that I believe the vision foretold the death of my nephew, but I fear that this may not be the case.

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